A Wolf of Her Own Read online

  He shook his head, baffled. "I have no idea."

  "I was hiding from my mother. Did you ever meet her? Smaller than me, always smiling, pretty as a doll?"

  His face cleared as a memory dawned. "The sheep."

  "Yes. But only because I wasn’t available." She sounded harsher than she meant, but it was the truth.

  Father and Tom hadn’t been home, having travelled to Scotland to study sheep farming there. Gemma had always believed it was what had finally pushed mother overboard. By the time Father had returned, it had already been too late; Mother was past gaining control of her Rider, with the consequence that she, or the Rider, had butchered a number of sheep in her rage.

  Kieran recoiled. "Surely your mother wouldn’t have harmed you."

  "That’s what I’m trying to say. It wasn’t my mother." It had taken her years to understand it. "It was her second nature. She wasn’t strong enough to control it. And I have a monster like that inside me too."

  He looked uncomprehending. "So how do you control it?"

  She sighed. "By controlling my emotions. All the time. Fear excites it, mine and others’, and anger. But more importantly, if I’m feeling strong emotions, I’m less able to keep it in rein." Mother had loved her, but she had loved Father more. Alone, missing him and her son, her emotions had become too strong.

  He contemplated her words. "So where does your magic come from?"

  At least it wasn’t an all-out rejection. Her tension eased a little. "Our second nature is a self-aware, thinking entity, just like yours. It causes all our magical abilities."

  "Can you shift like we do?"

  "Not exactly, no." Yes we can. She ignored the Rider. "When you shift, you share the consciousness with your wolf, but you stay in charge. If we let our second nature free, we don’t have a way to control it and it’s not certain it’ll allow the human half back." If that happened, those stronger had to control it for them, permanently if needed. Gemma had never learned if her mother had died of natural causes or if it had become necessary for the Circle to end her life for her. Put her down like the monster she had become.

  "Is that why you said you hadn’t wanted to become a vampire?"

  Trust Kieran to remember it. Unlike most humans who contemplated having their promise fulfilled, she had known the risks and hadn’t been willing to take them. She nodded.

  "I feared I wouldn’t be strong enough. But Father had lost so much. He was the only member of his family alive after the Sentient War, and he had lost Mother too. He couldn’t bear the thought I would die." She had postponed it as long as she could to make sure she was mentally strong enough for it. She had managed so far, but Mother had been a century into her fulfilment when she had begun to lose it. She had been as old as Gemma was now.

  He shook his head, in awe. "I’ve never heard of this."

  "We don’t really share the knowledge with outsiders." They would be hunted as monsters if people knew.

  "You wouldn’t have believed it anyway." Jamie came to her help from the other side of the fireplace. For such an intensive, dominant man, he could sit perfectly quietly and not draw attention to himself. A true predator. "You’d have to witness it with your own eyes."

  "I take it you’ve seen this happen?" Kieran asked.

  "Let’s just say vampires didn’t see the need to hide their second nature during the Sentient War."

  Gemma shuddered. Stories of vampire rampages were all too real to her after having witnessed it in person. "Some of us are strong enough to let it free, like the Circle warriors. The rest have to fight endlessly for dominance with it. And when I’m upset or angry like yesterday, it becomes more difficult. It makes me more likely to act rashly or violently too. So when one of the wolves bumped me in the parking lot, I lashed out. He didn’t back up and I wasn’t about to either. Things might have got ugly, but his alpha was with him and he intervened. The guy wasn’t happy about it, so perhaps he got the alpha to follow me home. Or maybe they were the killer wolves who recognised my scent and knew where to find me."

  "Let me get this straight. You almost lost control of a monster inside you and almost got into a fight with two killer wolves because of it?"

  Put like that, it sounded worse than it had been. "Pretty much, yes."

  "Why didn’t you tell me about it?"

  She shrugged. She really didn’t have a good explanation. "It took a while for me to calm down and gain control of the Rider." He lifted a questioning brow and she explained. "It’s what we call our second nature, ’cause it kind of hitches a ride. Or rides you…" She shuddered, but continued matter-of-factly. "I was too angry to notice what car they drove or the licence plate. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to describe the men themselves. I had nothing to tell."

  "I could have gone to the car park myself and checked their scent to match it to the trail from the kill site. Then we would have known the killers were still around."

  Her stomach fell. "I didn’t think of that." It was too late to change things so she had to move on. "So, were those who killed Rissa the same wolves who killed the sheep?"

  "Absolutely. Only two of them though." So where had the others been while those two visited the farm? "They got away at the golf course parking lot."

  "After you got into a fight with them?" She gave him a meaningful look and pulled out the picture she had snatched where the wounds were still visible. He wasn’t the only one allowed to worry.

  He seemed to realise it too, because her words made him lose some of his anger. He raked his hair, the gesture sheepish. "Yeah, well, it was necessary. I had to stop them somehow."

  "I thought we agreed you wouldn’t try to take them alone?" Jamie asked sternly, and she gave him a grateful glance. At least one of them had some sense.

  "There were only two of them. I could have taken them, but the guards interrupted."

  "And if you couldn’t have?" The mere thought that he could have lost—permanently—tied her stomach into a knot. "They are killers."

  She felt his remorse when he pulled her into a hug and she allowed him to console her. "I’m sorry. I won’t do it again," he murmured against her hair.

  "You’d better remember that too." She wiped away tears that were threatening to spill and pulled herself together. The Rider had been quiet inside her, but there was no need to take risks.

  "Did you recognise the men’s scent? Were the wolves the same you met?"

  She shook her head. "I was too distressed with Rissa’s death to think clearly and, anyway, the blood smelled too strongly."

  Kieran regarded her quietly for a while. "Okay. I find your Rider too much to take, so let’s leave it for now. We’ll see if you recognise anyone from the footage and go from there. But for now, we need breakfast."

  The yellow breakfast room looked cheerful in the morning light. Wonderful breakfast scents hit Gemma the moment the door opened, and she felt her stomach rumble. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, if one didn’t count the biscuits—and a vampire didn’t.

  Maura and Polly shot past her to the side table and sat expectantly in front of the covered heated platter where Gemma guessed the bacon was hidden. Maura barked, indicating that she wanted breakfast, and Gemma went to her, smiling. "You’re not getting any bacon, silly," she admonished the dog. "It’s bad for you." But both dogs regarded her with such soulful eyes that she found it difficult to resist them. Kieran laughed.

  "Just give them bacon. One time won’t hurt them."

  She sighed. "Yes, but they won’t settle with a little portion."

  "There’s plenty to share." He picked two plates and, balancing them deftly on his arm, put hefty helpings of bacon and sausages on both. He put the plates on the floor near the back wall and the dogs shot in to feast. Gemma shook her head.

  "They’ll never forget a spoiling like this."

  Kieran grinned, causing small crinkles to appear in the corners of his eyes. It was an infectious smile that invited her to smile back. So she did
.

  She filled her own plate and went to choose a seat. Jamie was sitting at the end of the table and next to him was a beautiful and tall black-haired woman in her early thirties—the only other person in the room. Gemma was about to take the chair opposite to her, next to him, when a low growl from Kieran made her pause. She turned to him, baffled.

  He looked slightly confused, but he nodded towards the chair she was holding. "I’ll sit there. You’ll sit next to me."

  "Okay…" She glanced at Jamie, who was working hard not to smile. He wouldn’t share, but the woman wasn’t as coy. She smiled brightly at Kieran.

  "So it’s hit you too then?" Kieran only glowered in answer, so Gemma gave her a questioning look. "Wolves get hit pretty hard when they find their mate. There’s no reasoning with them for a while. The males especially find all other males a threat."

  Gemma’s legs felt weak all of a sudden, and she sat down hastily. She glanced at Kieran, expecting him to deny her words. He wouldn’t look at her, but he moved his chair closer to hers so that their legs met under the table, twining.

  Right…

  This was not good. She was too young to handle emotional stress a relationship would undoubtedly bring. Romantic attachments were out of the question until she would be strong enough to handle both them and the Rider at the same time. Not that love had been mentioned here, she then reminded herself. Perhaps this would pass.

  She was all too intrigued by Kieran as it was, his mere presence causing a mixture of emotions that put a strain on her. If she fell in love with him, all would be lost. Falling in love terrified her. Mother had loved too strongly; that’s what had led to her destruction. She began to shake.

  Kieran pressed more firmly against her. His energy mingled with hers, calming her. She welcomed the respite even as it worried her. Would he be able to calm her if there weren’t a connection between them already? Like the Hunger with vampires.

  "I’m Charlotte Thornton, by the way, Jamie’s sister-in-law," the woman opposite said, cutting into her thoughts, clearly judging that the men weren’t about to perform introductions.

  Startled from her inner turmoil, Gemma struggled to find a proper answer, but a strict upbringing came to her help and she managed to tell her name. "I’m from the Byrd farm, though I live in London now."

  "You’re a vampire, right?"

  The question baffled her. "Yes. You can’t tell?"

  Charlotte smiled. "I’ve been a wolf for such a short time. I still have difficulties, especially with vampires. You people hold yourself so tightly." Gemma’s amazement must have shown on her face, because she continued. "I was born a shifter, but my parents weren’t happy about it so they had my wolf bound with magic. Lord Foley managed to release her."

  Gemma nodded, even though she was unable to comprehend exactly what kind of magic she was talking about. Lord Foley, the leader of the Crimson Circle, was the most powerful vampire she knew of, and incredibly strong in magic so if anyone was able to pull off something like that, it was him.

  "So how is life for a vampire in a big city? You’re in hiding?" She asked as if she knew for sure. Gemma resisted glancing at Kieran, but only barely.

  "Yes. It’s easier to deal with humans if they don’t know." The other woman nodded in sympathy, but Kieran growled.

  "They’ll have me to deal with if they upset you."

  Gemma wanted to roll her eyes in exasperation, but she placed her hand on his arm instead. "They won’t upset me if they don’t know about it."

  "You shouldn’t have to be in hiding."

  She squeezed his arm and he calmed down. "I know." There was no point in continuing the conversation, they would only argue, so she changed the topic.

  "So how do you find a life as a shifter, Ms Thornton?"

  She smiled warmly. "Please, call me Charly. It feels friendlier, and besides, we’ll be family anyway once you’re clan."

  Kieran felt Gemma tense and he cursed under his breath. He was about to brush over Charly’s announcement when Gemma spoke, sounding composed.

  "I wasn’t aware vampires were accepted to the clan."

  "We accept anyone, even humans," Jamie said. The words were ordinary enough, welcome even, as they lessened the impact of Charly’s words, but his voice irritated Kieran. Jamie wasn’t allowed to pay attention to his woman. He pressed closer to Gemma, who placed her hand on his arm again, stroking it lightly. The agitated pacing of his wolf calmed down instantly.

  Fuck.

  You’ve put out the call, haven’t you?

  Yes. Ours.

  This was it, then. They had found their mate. He had found a spouse for himself. It was difficult to think in singular, the thoughts of his wolf intermingling with his, the two halves agreeing as one.

  That was fast.

  We knew from the start.

  You could have shared.

  We did. You didn’t listen. There was no denying that.

  One by one other male members of the household arrived to have breakfast, each adding to Kieran’s agitated mood. He had to get out of there before he did something stupid.

  Rafe was the only exception his wolf accepted. Curiously enough, considering he was tall and well-built, and more handsome than any other man in the room, his brother included. But he was mated to Charly and so wasn’t a threat. Kieran’s wolf didn’t react even when he gave Gemma a curious look and flashed his signature smile that made women’s knees weak.

  "You’re Tom’s sister, aren’t you?"

  Gemma only had a chance to nod when Kieran spoke. The wolf may not care about Rafe, but the man wasn’t as cool. "How come the two of you are here this morning?"

  Rafe looked baffled. Then he grinned. "It’s Saturday."

  Right.

  The door burst open and Vincent rushed in, a coat thrown over his pyjamas and wearing rubber boots, his errand clearly too pressing to bother with clothing. "Uncle Kieran, you promised to tell everyone," he said, out of breath after his run. Kieran had forgotten his promise, his wolf demanding all his attention.

  "That I did."

  Vince came to a halt next to his chair and stared at Gemma unabashedly curious. "Who are you?"

  She smiled, the warmth in it genuine for the first time since Rissa’s death. Kieran felt grateful for his nephew for bringing it about. "I’m Gemma Byrd, your neighbour."

  "Tom’s place? I’m Vince." He didn’t wait for answer but turned to Kieran. "Well?"

  Kieran cleared his throat. "May I have your attention, please?" The whole table quieted, amused. "My nephew, Vincent Garret, was the most cleverest pup yesterday at the tracking practice, managing to beat me to my destination by utilising intelligence information to anticipate my movements in order to prepare for the outcome."

  Vince grinned with the width of his face for Kieran’s use of his earlier words, and everyone at the table made appropriate sounds.

  "Are you my uncle’s girlfriend?"

  Okay, time to leave. "Are you ready?" he asked Gemma abruptly, getting up. "I’ll see you home to change and then we’ll go to the golf course."

  She didn’t prolong his torment, but got up immediately. She winked at Vincent, which he approved, but the polite smile she gave for everyone else at the table rubbed him the wrong way. He snarled at the males to put them to their place. As one man, they all lifted their hands up before them, as if warding him off, and then grinned insolently. Disgusted, he took her by the arm and guided her out of the door, the dogs following them.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kieran let Gemma drive, fearing he couldn’t manage such a complicated operation in his current state. A haze was clouding his brain, a mixture of primal urges from his wolf, his own confused thoughts, and arousal.

  She didn’t actually need him to see her home, and it would mean a long walk back to the manor for him. But not doing it wasn’t an option, the call too fresh to face the separation of even a couple of hours. Luckily, she seemed to understand this and didn’t question his presenc
e.

  He was beginning to question his sanity though. How could a woman obsess him so thoroughly? He had been attracted to her at the outset, had liked her scents and her smile, her looks and her wit, her insistence on not swearing—everything about her. But now that his wolf had put the call out, every sensation was enhanced. His awareness of her made him so aroused that he wasn’t sure he would be able to not act on it. It didn’t help that she was getting aroused in return.

  Holding her, he fought the need to pull her closer. She felt so perfect there, between his legs. Close to his painfully hardening cock. Every turn, every bump on the road made their bodies rub against each other, made her buttocks press against his erection.

  He would not survive this ride.

  Another bump made him tighten his hold of her. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—ease it again but pulled her exactly where he wanted her. Reasonable behaviour was fast abandoning him. He slid his hands upwards along her torso, cursing the layers of clothes between them. They met the soft mounds of her breasts and he cupped them. She gasped and her hand twitched on the throttle, making the vehicle jump. His hold of her tightened.

  "Pull over," he commanded with a low rumble into her ear. He couldn’t continue anymore.

  She obeyed instantly and then turned towards him on the seat. Her face was serious, her eyes intent on his, determined. But there was hunger in them too, fire, that broke his last resolve to behave. He pulled her onto his lap, her chest tightly against his, and kissed her. All other worries were pushed aside as their need seized them.

  She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back with the passion he had seen glimpses of when she was angry. He drank her in and let his tongue slip into her mouth. Her breathing hitched and she intensified the kiss. His heart jumped and his erection hardened painfully.

  She weighed nothing as he stood with her in his arms, their mouths still locked together. Getting off the vehicle took some manoeuvring, but he didn’t stumble. He wouldn’t let her fall.